Am I ready?

I was fortunate enough to spend this past Sunday night at my good friend Amy's house with her DH and 2 beautiful (and excitable) children during the Superbowl. I'm not much of a football kinda gal, or any sports for that matter. I decided I would plan ahead by bringing 2 very important things with me: 1) A bottle of wine and 2) my knitting. I figured the wine would keep me entertained and the knitting would keep my hands busy (and away from eating my body weight in food). Amy's darling daughter took an interest in my knitting, asking all the wonderful questions a child her age does. She then wanted to know if she could help me. Of course she can!!

Now, I have always thought that I am great with kids and do want to have my own some day. Key words 'some day.' My career/school has always come first and my main priority, as of late, has been to gain some financial security before trying to put another beings life before mine. The more people have asked me when we are going to have kids, the more I've pushed it away. I'm kinda defiant like that and pretty much have been my whole life. The more you want me to do something, the less likely I am to do it. I don't think it's an only child thing, it's just a part of who I am.

So, getting back to Sunday. Amy's little darling sat in my lap for the better part of an hour and I taught her to knit (as much as her elf hands could help anyways). I can honestly say this is the most fun (sorry hubster) I have had in quite some time. On the way home, I recalled, with a big ole grin on my face, how just spending that time with her reinvigorated me. Is this what has been missing in my life now? Is this why I've been feeling so restless these past few years?

The fella and I still have a wedding to finish this October, so no pregnancy right now. The MS complicates some things, but it just requires more deliberate planning on our part. I don't know what the future will bring, but I am sure it will include children for us. I will be blessed with whatever we are given. I'm not sure how I will do with being a mom and balancing my health with working and parenting, but I do know my husband and family will be right by my side. I am confident I can do this, that we can do this. Parenting is scary stuff, but I know it will be worth it in the end.