New year re'v'olutions?

Ask anyone of my family and friends and they will tell you, I don't do resolutions! However, this year I contemplate a re'v'olution instead. When you hear the word revolution, you may think of great upheaval or some sort of government demise. However, in this context I refer to "A sudden, vast change in a situation, a discipline, or the way of thinking and behaving." I feel this relates to my life right about now...

My most important re'v'olution will be my stinking thinking I have regarding certain situations in my life. I have used my skills and radically accepted that my job situation will not change until I am fully licensed. In the mean time, I intend to continue to absorb and embrace new information as it arises. It amazes me what the population I work with continues to teach me on a daily basis. Not only about life, but the potential for the human condition to rise above and transform.

Therefore, my goal is to achieve transformation of my thoughts, which will in turn have the domino effect of changing my stress levels and, thereby, my health. I find myself thinking more and more lately that I really should take some of my own "advice".

So, 2010 I salute you. I dedicate this blog entry to the potential of what the new year has to bring me. A new year, a new thought process, an improved me...

Cheers!
L

Hurry up and wait!

In the simplest terms a phobia is nothing but an irrational fear. I couldn't help but think of this as I lay in the MRI "tube" today. I am not afraid of much, in my eyes. I'll free spiders instead of killing them, I have a bat that flies around the outside of my apartment complex that I have lovingly nicknamed "Fred", I love the water and wish I had gills to breathe in it, I like the way heights make me dizzy and make my heart beat faster, and I have about 11 tattoos and numerous piercings; you get the point. However, I have a phobia of being buried alive. I'm not claustrophobic, thank goodness. So why is it I can overcome these fears, but when it comes to challenges in life, I either shutdown or want to run away?

This has been my pattern for as long as I can remember. If I can't get it right on the first try, I give up, which makes no sense when you really think about it. I was like this with ballet, the violin, college coursework, etc. For one of the first times in my life, I am being confronted with challenges daily and am unable to run away. I've tried, but the lesson I'm not learning keeps getting put before me. For whatever reason, the universe (God, whatever you call it for yourself) wants me to be where I'm at and I have more to learn. Only time will tell what is to unfold for me. Until then, I continue to practice patience, mindfulness, and gratitude...

Nothing in life comes easy and when it does, you don't value it as much. Thank you for the challenges put before me today and give me the clarity of mind to appreciate the beauty in the struggle.

Love & Light,
L

Finding Beauty in Each Day

I feel that I have lost the ability to find pleasure in daily things. My focus has been on the negative lately and I really dislike this dark place I tend to go to. For so long I have put everything on the back burner to sacrifice for school. I used to find happiness in pleasing others, but lately that is not enough for me. I want more out of life than living to help others. What happened to all the dreams I had as a little girl? Reality hit, that's what.

I graduated from my 10 year adventure from college, gaining a Bachelors and Masters and a massive amount of debt. All the lofty dreams I had of hitting it big time in my chosen career field came to a screaming halt when I realized how limited my job offerings were, just starting out. After a layoff not of my own doing, a car accident, and a diagnosis of MS at 28 years old I felt like I had hit rock bottom. The final straw was my jeep getting broken into and I remember looking up at the sky and asking God if there was anything else to throw in my way. Might as well kick me when I'm down.

Lately, I have had more people ask me "What makes you happy? In what do you find joy in life?" Sadly, I have no reply to this. This blog will mark my journey in finding what truly makes me happy. I want to find this soon and not when my bills are paid off, or when I have 30 pounds off, or when I am married and have a house, etc. I'm trying to get myself out of the "If/then" syndrome and find my joy in daily life.

Many Blessings and Good Luck w/Your Own Adventures,
L